24 February, 2011
iPad Killer: Dead On Arrival
I like my iProducts. My iThings work easily, they don't flake out on me, they do what I tell them and they seem to like it. Granted, iStuff isn't for everyone. There are people who seem to honestly dislike all things iLicious. It's cool. My pal lets his Windows hang out, we don't judge. Now everyone's talking about Androids, I'm open minded, I'll check it all out. I was asked to review one of the up and coming iKillers. (I said "Bring It!" because I talk all 80's like that.) I have to admit, the first impression really surprised me.
It was sleek. It had some serious tactile appeal. It looked like it was built for love and had storage for days. Even though Microsoft and I had broken up more than a decade ago, I was ready to consider reuniting. Cue up the Peaches & Herb, dim the lights, and run the startup menu. We named it Godzilla, because it was going to stomp all over my iLove. A bajillion and a half years later I remembered that Windows has to get in the mood. You might be ready to rumble, but Windows, it needs to feel respected. A little wooing is required. (I wasn't going anywhere.) Finally, it was done playing the tease. A flash of blue screen, a hint of a start up menu and.....
A blaring series of beeps? What? Keep the sirens for Prodigy songs! My iPad Killer was turning out to be all talk and no action. The screen went black, the beeps kept coming and the power button quit working. I carried it into the garage and shut the door. It could come out when it was fit for company. So here I was, all ready to cheat on Apple and only a dead motherboard to show for my efforts. I called The Man about a replacement. Fed-Ex, walk in, what are my options? My options were to hurry up and wait. Talk about a buzz kill. Even though the $600 brick was only an hour old, it had to go to a repair center on a repair ticket for investigation of the problem. After all data was scrubbed and the problem determined, it would be sent back to me. In a couple weeks.
Um, what? A couple of weeks? Do they know how long that is in dog years? I tried pulling rank. I was soooo casual - "You know this is for a product review, right? I'm supposed to go several places and give people my opinion on whether or not they should buy your product? As in purchase? With money?" Turns out they could shorten the turn around time. Ten days. I don't know about you, but if I shelled out $600 for something that died in an hour, I wouldn't wait ten minutes. So I wrote my review. And I named the names I'm not naming here because I think part of the review process is seeing how the customer service would work for standard customers.
Flirting with the iPad Killer reminded me of what I already knew. People are willing to put up with an awful lot in a relationship. It's why I've stayed with Apple so long. My iBabies don't throw tantrums, and they don't need time outs. If someone's going to kill my iPad, they're going to have to move a lot faster.