Review: Don't Kill the Birthday Girl by Sandra Beasley

Love this cover. I think I was almost 2/3 of the way done before I really looked at the little cupcake decoration. It's clean, it's eye catching, it relates to the contents. I have no complaints at all on this one. The book is great too.

While I expected to dislike Don't Kill The Birthday Girl I loved it so much I should marry it. I live in in area where fake food allergies are common and yet I am all too familiar with real food allergies. If I throw a party I know at least two children will arrive with special instructions and an EpiPen but six more will have mothers standing by to explain their allergies as the so called allergic children graze openly on forbidden foods. Sandra Beasley finds this as infuriating as I do. Describing food dislikes or sensitivities as allergies endangers the truly allergic. Sandra Beasley is one of those so endangered.

Almost completely free of self pity, Beasley intersperses important information about the recognition and rise of true food allergies with anecdotal tales of life as a fragile child. With the impatience of anyone restricted, she longs to be normal. Sandra would rather eat what you're eating than draw attention to a myriad number of ingredients that can kill her. She doesn't feel a little queasy or get a headache after encountering an allergen - she goes to the hospital. Addressing the facts of food allergies calmly (that peanut allergy is not an airborne danger but touching someone with a hand that touched peanuts could be serious) Beasley offers insight into the current wave of food fear. Often amusing, at times frustrating, her goal to lead as normal a life as possible makes a great memoir.

Review: Quinn by Iris Johansen

This one sucks. It's rare that I say a book was a complete waste of my time. Quinn was not only a waste of that time, it made me feel my investment in the Eve Duncan series was misguided. I'll address Quinn as a book first.


Quinn jumps through times, events and people so quickly that readers will need to have read Eve (at the very least) to keep up. Divided roughly into thirds, the first third deals with the meeting of Joe and Eve, the second with the people surrounding them at present, and the last with a relationship between a side character and Bonnie's father. Ending with a sharp cliffhanger, Quinn offers no resolution for a one book reader and little plot advancement for a long time fan. Johansen's work has been very erratic for the last few years. Quinn easily belongs in the bottom tier of her work. While Quinn hits paperback in November, (just four months after it's hardcover release) I suggest skipping this volume entirely and continuing on (if you must) to Bonnie.

All of that said, it's time for some spoilers. In this recasting of the first meeting of Eve and Joe, Joe finds himself in love with Eve scant days into their acquaintance. While the staple of instant attraction is an old one in romance the long time reader will recall that at one point Joe Quinn was married. Subsequent books hinted that Joe had married simply to provide Eve with female companionship, but this version of their relationship makes that explicit. Joe's wife does not exist in Quinn, he has not even met her. This means at some point Joe is going to knowingly seduce and wed a woman he does not love and then express anger at her when she is jealous of his unexpressed feelings for Eve. It is not a case of Joe not having recognized how he felt about Eve when he married, he knows it. Our hero is going to completely tank some woman's life as he tries to help Saint Eve find Bonnie of Nazarene. Also, all that stuff where he pulls the class card on Eve during her relationship with John Logan? Joe is rich too. He might not be a billionaire, but he is a trust fund baby. Nice. Ok, so now that we've blasted a hole through the interpersonal dynamics of the early books we can move on.

Quinn is so far removed from the Eve Duncan I fell in love with. This series is like an abusive relationship for me. Every time I try to leave the carrot of resolution is held out. (I swore off Eve Duncan books right before this trilogy was announced. With Eve I thought we were nudging closer to the right track, but Quinn is off the rails.) When we first met Eve she was a hard working recluse who was driven by her work to resolve deaths for other families. Remember her? When is the last time Eve worked on anything? Saint Eve brings all the crime lords to her yard as she dips into the world of mercenaries, psychics and sadistic killers without finding her daughter or a grave for herself. People meet Eve and they are willing to give their lives for her. Eve, carrying the standard for Bonnie of Nazarene, charges blindly into every fray. Bonnie started out as a cute kid whose unsolved murder was the catalyst for her mother's valuable career as a forensic artist. Now she appears to people in psychic visions and is a perfect shining beacon of light. She can lead the dying back to life, instruct the living on their next move, and sing songs to captured prisoners across the world. If she had a loaf, she'd turn it into fish. She isn't a kid anymore, she's a cult leader.

This is another problem. When we met Eve and her daughter they were normal people in a tragic situation working toward improving the lives of other victims. Now Eve commands a multinational task force, seemingly unlimited government resources, and the belief that she can judge who lives or dies. She's a tyrant. These same shadowy government types working all around her have lifted this hard working single mother to an iconic figure. From drug lord to psychic to man on the street, Eve Duncan has only to speak to them to enslave. It's all a bit much. Her child's murder will turn into a kidnapping as her "special, special, Bonnie" is shown to be some sort of super human used for nefarious purposes by those same government agents. The reason she can't find Bonnie's grave is that there isn't one. I will bet you that right now.

Perhaps I could accept this shift of narrative if it were more smoothly executed. Instead Quinn is filled with clunky conversations and long passages where motivations are told repeatedly instead of shown once. People are presented as ideas and abilities border on the superhuman. Motivations shift. Tracking down who she believes to be Bonnie's murderer, Eve's friend Catherine pauses to wonder if she will kill him or sleep with him. No, really, she does. She thinks she's on the track of an unstable child killer, she has left her own recently returned child behind, and she rolls about in Gallo's sheets 'sensing him' (even though others have been sleeping in the bed and the sheets are fresh) while wondering if they will be lovers. These have become some sick individuals.

Review: The Secret Mistress by Mary Balogh

I don't even know what to do here. Be careful what you wish for?

The story of Lady Angeline Dudley has been one Balogh fans were eager for. Unfortunately, it fails to engage. This is the first Mary Balogh title I haven't read cover to cover in a single sitting. This is a stay-up-to-five-am author for me and yet I failed to finish The Secret Mistress. After two attempts I am setting it aside on page 130. Mary Balogh's books are often deeply rewarding for a patient reader, with unexpected twists coming from the smallest of moments. Unfortunately, I never emotionally engaged with bright fragile butterfly Angeline or her stiffly proper flame, Edward. I am sure those small moments were coming, but I felt I was slogging instead of running toward them.

When we meet Angeline she's an absolute teenager. Impulsive, giddy and wild, she is finally going to meet her adored brothers after years at school. I have no idea (nor will the reader) why Angeline so adores her brothers unless it is the love of the abandoned child for the deadbeat parent. Her brothers haven't bothered with her in years, sending her back to school after she is orphaned and taking their holidays elsewhere. Angeline worships them, yet knows she wants to marry someone completely unlike them. Meeting both Edward and one of her brother's friends in the public room of an inn, she decides on the spot that only Edward will do. Love at first sight. First eligible man she's ever seen. It's almost painful, watching this neglected girl throw herself at a dream of a man. She, who is not valued, is going to woo this man. I want to stop her, not cheer for her.

Edward is all about not being his brother and doing right by the family and blah blah blah. He whines about wanting to marry his girlfriend, but also checks out Angeline from the corner of his eye. This isn't a case of her incandescent joy illuminating hidden corners of his life - this is him viewing her with some distaste. You don't want him to have her, he doesn't deserve to have someone like her handed to him. While the conversation is as delightful as any Balogh has written, there is a fundamental flaw in the couple the reader cannot overcome. Even knowing (based on later books) that Edward will value Angeline, will see her worth, you can't support events as they unfold. Making matters even more complex, Angeline is perfectly happy flirting with her brother's friend after he realizes his public room antics were inappropriate. Angeline doesn't care that he would still treat her that way if not for the discovery of her social status, she sees these predatory men as harmless and entertaining. She is so painfully young.

It's possible, probably even likely, that Balogh resolves most (or all) of these issues by the close of The Secret Mistress but I couldn't spend any more time watching Angeline beg people to want her. I couldn't tolerate Edward's displeasure at having to assume the responsibility he appears to have wanted, or his treatment of both the women in his life. I think I would have adored The Secret Mistress if Angeline had stood up at her second meeting of Edward and brushed him off like the mistake he appears to be at that point. Instead her girlish infatuation becomes determination, and my concern for her surpassed my enjoyment.

Review: Silk Is For Seduction by Loretta Chase

Pity Loretta Chase.

At a certain point every successful author hits the invisible wall where no book can ever measure up to the book the reader thinks the author should have written. Either it's too this or it's not enough that. If you've really made it, they will claim that you phoned it in while sipping Mai Tai's on The Cartland or hired someone to write for you while you ate bonbons with Other Famous Writers and giggled about the ease with which one can dupe the book buying public.

So she can't win.

Loretta Chase could be forgiven for giving up or phoning it in considering nothing she writes is ever again going to surprise us with it's brilliance. With Silk Is For Seduction she's done neither. Chase has started a new series with an absolute joy of a heroine. Single mother, successful business woman, frantic older sister keeping too many balls in the air - Noirot is wonderful. I loved her clear eyed cynicism, her unapologetic ambition, her realistic parental fatigue and her willingness to say "Screw it" occasionally and embrace life. When we meet her, she's chasing a Duke. (Because there is always a Duke, isn't there?) Choosing the incredibly underused time between George IV and Victoria (Is this the first King William IV romance? I think it might be. I can't recall another.) Chase sets Noirot after the Duke intent on capturing his future wife's patronage. Not him.

The Duke isn't really there for me. When I think about him he's kind of great, but on the page he was The Guy Noirot Is Talking To. But hey, he's a Duke and apparently the only one around. He's into her being a working woman, he never degrades her for it. Over the course of the book he grows up a fair amount, he's good with kids, he knows how to apologize and to grovel if he needs to, but he's still The Duke to me. I was bracing myself for the moment where he asks her to give up her independence for love, but it never comes. He actually respects her. (I know!) So that's a win.

What keeps me from being over the moon about Silk for Seduction is a bit of a drag in the middle and a slice of the Master Race. When you start the book you know Noirot has the proper degree of inbreeding for  acceptance among the nobility, if not the proper amount of cash. The Duke has an annual income I calculated to be about 83 million bucks a year. (I dunno, you do that math, it's complicated due to fluctuations in buying power and stuff like that, but he has an income of 100K in 1830-whatever.) You'd think, with 83 million bucks a year, that he could just buy some friends if they don't like her. I guess not, because there are several mentions of Noirot having the right ancestry. It's not that she looks great (she does) speaks well (you know it) or has flawless manners (give that a check mark) she's one of the servants betters. His staff is all, oh, we can totally tell. She is the Princess to our Peas. That one, she's Nobility By Birth and all.

Look, I am not unfamiliar with the inbred classes. They are as varied as the rest of us. Take away their cell phones, dump them on Survivor, and you'd have a hard time basing personal worth on their DNA. I do not deny the class system or the realities of Ducal Mating, but c'mon. Even the wage slaves have to claim roses fall from her lips when she speaks? She can't just be a hard working single mom without the genetic stock showing through? It sort of does Noirot a disservice. She can't simply be a kick ass woman, she has to be a woman who is kick ass through the power of Eugenics. I'd rather she had one of those pyramids made out of drinking straws people hung over waterbeds in the 1970's. The science is roughly equivalent. (I had a fun fact for you as a reward for making it through that rant, but I think we'll just stop with Pyramid Power. That's fun enough.)

Review: The Real Duchesses of London by Lavina Kent

 You know that Alanis Morissette song? The one you never liked but they played forever? The one that made "going down on him in a theater" sound like an even worse idea than it did before? (Honestly, did you hear her wail about public sex as anything but a mark of her desperation?) It's back and it's moved to London. I won't tell you which book it takes place in, but given that the other trots out the equally tired canard of the heroine only being able to relax enough for orgasm if she's bound to the bed, I am a bit afraid what book three will bring. Would a long series be forced to explore autoerotic asphyxiation?

That's my hesitation with The Real Duchesses of London. The premise of novellas based on the love lives and cat fights of a group of women is delightful. In fact, an episode in Linnette, The Lioness is one of the best scenes I've read in ages. The romantic conflicts are equally satisfying. The concept of their fame is a bit underdeveloped, I could see them having more street recognition, but still very engaging. For the price, they're a good length as well. Much as I enjoyed them, the sex seemed a bit forced by the end of Episode 2, as though part of the formula is for each heroine to have her own sex twist. I'd rather have cut half the sex and doubled up on the cat fights. Reading about one of the heroines being proud of her accomplishment (ie, swallowing) made me roll my eyes. That may just be me but if it's you too, be aware.

All of that said, I'd still recommend both. I did enjoy the twisted tale of friendship between the women and would have bought the third book immediately upon closing the second. While not perfectly sublime reads, they are original and fun. A great length for a lunchtime read and a good introduction to the author. In episode one, Kathryn is dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage and her husband's loss of sexual interest since the event. For Lavinia, the problem is one of emotional interest. The return of her childhood love leaves her wondering if trust can be renewed.

For romance, I'd give the nod to Episode One. For catty enjoyment, I'd have to go with Episode Two. Either way, I don't think you'll go far wrong. (Just skip the theater that night, because at least one of them Oughta Know)

Review: The Taming of the Rake by Kasey Michaels

Kasey Michaels can be hit or miss for me. (I'd say it's about a 70% success rate.) This new series, The Blackthorn Brothers, starts off strong. The Taming of the Rake sets up the series premise - three brothers raised in the aristocracy as the bastard sons of their father and his wife's sister. The boys are raised in their father's household with warmth and all the care given legitimate children. Regrettably, this has lead Beau Blackthorn to think his bastard status won't matter to the Lady Madelyne. He is very wrong.

Fast forward a number of years and Madelyne's sister, Chelsea, needs a husband fast. Her brother has fallen under the spell of a religious zealot and her sister is too involved in her own life to care. Chelsea sees Beau Blackthorn as her escape from marriage to her brother's spiritual leader. Being the direct sort, she walks right into his house and demands they elope. Problem is, Beau hasn't seen her since he was rejected by her sister. Chelsea, not being the sort to take no for an answer, soon has him on the road and headed for the altar.

Most of the action in The Taming of the Rake takes place as they hurtle from one destination to another, with events repeatedly redirecting them. Chelsea isn't terribly likeable, but if you accept that she is supposed to be a bit of a shrew (and much better than Madelyne) it's easy to warm to her. The set up for the brother's background is as original as the relationships between Chelsea's family members. I found The Taming of the Rake an enjoyable and light read that left me interested in the next two books. Unfortunately a secret hinted at in the close of The Taming of the Rake leaves me concerned. The premise of these men as bastards and the relationship between their parents is unique. I'm afraid there will be a last minute reveal of their legitimacy, some sort of being thought a bastard builds character moment that will undermine it all. I hope I'm wrong. This was a breezy read and a solid start to the trilogy. If you like Kasey Michaels at least as often as I do, it's worth checking out.

Review: For I Have Sinned by Darynda Jones

Hey, did you know you can get this short for free?

Neither did I. I'm going to blame jet lag. If you can find it gratis, go pick it up. For I Have Sinned is sort of like Julia Quinn's epilogues - much better if you've read the book and super short. The paid version comes with three excerpts (one for each book in the series) so if your only option is paying the buck I should tell you the file size is deceptive. This story runs about 30 pages.

But I liked it, you could like it too. I'd buy another, so there you go. I love the art style they've chosen for this series. It's strong, it's visual, it's chick lit without the cloying artificial aftertaste. I appreciate a well designed cover almost as much as a terrible one. (There's a book coming out in August with a cover that makes me think "first anal experience" instead of "historical wallpaper". You'll know it when you see it, trust me.)  So, nice visual. Alright - can we move on to the spoilers now?

The story itself is scant but engaging. A woman finds herself in Charley's room (You may recall Charley is The Grim Reaper. The. Singular. That's the story they are sticking with, one girl for all the dead of the world.) so there's no question that our narrator is dead. The dilemma is how did she die and why? Here is where the spoilers come in. No really, they do. Stop reading this, go read For I Have Sinned and then come back or something. It's thirty pages. I can't help but give away the entire plot if we talk about it.

I hate it when you make me hurt you. Fine, but don't cry about it later. I told you there would be spoilers and spoilers there now are. Our heroine has died of juvvie diabetes. I LOVE THAT. Type 1 diabetes is a nasty piece of work. It's not Wilford Whatshisname on television explaining how the government can pay to send supplies to your home, it's continual slow damage to a kid's entire body. It's a nasty vicious beast. Having her die of such a common cause is a nice change of pace from psychos in car accidents. What isn't a nice change of pace is Baby Fever. Jane Austen, were she writing today, would probably have something pithy to say about babies and romances. "It is commonly believed that a story in need of extending..." or something like that. Whatever, I'm not Austen. Look! It's a baby! Who can hate a baby???

I'm getting to the point where a baby in a short story or an epilogue makes me adopt the slow clap tone of voice "Oh. A baby. I hoped there would be a baby. This story really needed... a baby." Can't people just buy a puppy? Puppies are cute. Who can hate a puppy?

Review: Composed by Rosanne Cash

It's interesting - in trying to write a love letter to her father  with Good Stuff Jennifer Grant ended up making the reader think less of them both. Rosanne Cash takes a different path. In Composed Cash is at pains to be honest, about herself, about her father, about her conflicted feelings.  Her fearless style reminds me of a lyric by Simple Kid.

"Buddy, it's as simple as that / When you see past all of the crap." 


Rosanne Cash absolutely sees past the crap. While completely unfamiliar with her musical work, I left the book interested in exploring it. She's a likeable narrator, a woman you'd want to spend a day hanging out with. Her memoir is not a linear or exhaustive work. She focuses on brief periods of her life and her feelings about them before turning the light to a completely different time. She does not exploit a life made for exploitation, reserving what she should and illuminating what she wants. I respect her all the more for protecting her children from a blow by blow account of her relationships. I respect her for confessing her frustrations as a parent and as a child. What emerges from Composed is a portrait of a woman finding herself while multiple lives pull at her. The life she's set her feet on suits her, the city she's chosen to live in is a good one for maintaing perspective. Her parents emerge as people sometimes overwhelmed by their circumstances yet leaving their children a legacy of love. Not an easy achievement, and one that requires the child to meet them more than halfway.

For me the most resonant passage is during a trip to Ireland. Rosanne happens to meet a living link to her father in the form of a shopkeeper. I have had those moments, I have had a letter from a woman who played in the street a hundred years ago with my lost family member. She had pictures too. It's an amazing and inexplicable experience to find yourself somewhere you didn't really plan to be only to find your family waiting for you. Truly a memoir rather than an autobiography, Composed is out in paperback next month and it's worth spending some time with.

Review: Treachery In Death by J.D. Robb

Does Nora Roberts even need reviews?

With a star author like Roberts it can seem pointless to write a review I could devote to a less well known author. As I only review books I think are worth looking at or ones I think are worth avoiding (I'd say I read five or six for every book I feel inclined to discuss) I generally give the major releases a pass.  Then Roberts writes something like Treachery In Death and knocks it out of the park.

Peabody dies.

Ok, ok, I'm kidding. (Spoiler alert!) Peabody does not die. (Maybe. I think. Who knows? You'll have to read it yourself.) One thing Peabody does do is find herself in an extremely dicey situation. So dicey that everything ends up on the table. This is the In Death I would go ahead and drop the cash on now. It's not that much more as an e-book than the eventual paperback will be and it's one of the best in the series. Tightly focused on Eve and her team, free of the angst that's been weighing the series down, this one brings the page turning suspense to the front and puts several major characters in new situations. This, the 40th (Really? Is that even possible?) story to feature Eve Dallas is also a great place to join the series. Everything you need is in this volume, no wasted time, no wasted characters.

Of course, Eve still ends the book a bit battered. That's how she likes it. Someday Eve is going to have to examine why every case needs to be closed with her face (even her husband is starting to notice) but it won't be today. Eve is too busy showing that she will eventually lead the NYPD and the only thing standing in her way is time.